you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
