I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
