He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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