what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
