it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
