Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
