who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
