If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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