Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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