I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
