we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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