I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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