Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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