I look better un-naked...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
