does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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