yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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