I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
