I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
PANTIES FOUND
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