Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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