The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
