he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
