Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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