That's intense
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, beer. Big fan.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
