this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize