Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The struggles of a small town man whore
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
