I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
