i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
