I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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