I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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