this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
