end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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