my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
