Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
