Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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