iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
