He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
