I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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