when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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