david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
