It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
