So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
