It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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