When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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