:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
