like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize