singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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