hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
