Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
