just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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