the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
