wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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