maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
