I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
