Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
