i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
