If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
