I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
