when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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