You're my little dorito
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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