wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
