So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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