I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
