i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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