sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm passing your future prison.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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