Kiss
Puke
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
