my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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