and you said cock pushups were impossible
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
