hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
