I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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