Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
