Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
