Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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