theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
