she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize