feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
