Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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